treehousegang

Current Location: Treehouse

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hunter

3:33

Sleep has always been a problem. It didn’t matter if he couldn’t get to sleep or if he slept too much - it was a problem no matter how he looked at it. The topic itself stressed him out no matter which direction it took. Sometimes he understood why and then other times it just confused him.

Why did his heart race sometimes right before he’d begin to fall asleep?
Why did he sometimes panic the moment he awoke?
Why did he curl in on himself sometimes and others sprawl out over the entire bed?
Why did he never remember the good dream and only remembered the nightmares?
Why did nothing ever make any goddamn sense?

Ever since Sungki came and became a warm fixture in his bed, sleep was easier. It felt safer for some reason. But there were still times when he would wake up way too early in the morning and wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. It always made him restless and tonight was no acception.

For a while now, it felt like something was trying to get out of him. What it was, he didn’t know but it made him start to question whether his mother really had meant well when he found himself in the hospital. What if there really was something, really, really, wrong with him? No, he knew there was something wrong with him, that was obvious, but what if that thing that he couldn’t put his finger on was the bad kind of wrong? Hunter didn’t know what it was, and he’d been as quiet as he could be while dealing with it but it felt like whatever was locked away inside of him was starting to come loose.

Nightmares are different than dreams. There’s a truth to nightmares that is just…different. Hunters always felt like memory and imagination mixed together, glitching, and making no sense. Maybe some of it were things he’d seen in movies? Read in books? Some of it felt more real than he wanted to admit. Those were the things that had woken him up in a stoic panic. From the outside no one would know. But when he slid out of bed and silently pulled on a warm onesie (without Sungki he was freezing sometimes) and padded into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

When he planted himself on the couch he looked at the clock: 3:33am.

Early. But he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. Not right now. He could nap later. For now…he just curled up in a ball in one corner of the couch and turned on the television, muted it, and sipped at his water while he tried to forget the stabbing pain in his back and the screaming in his head layered with cold needles and muttered curses from God only knows who. Dropping his head against the arm of the couch he just hugs onto the glass of water and watches…some random cooking show trying to sell a vegetable slicer.

If he really was bad…was it really bad enough to just throw him out like that? Like he didn’t matter? They just let him go numb like that was the better alternative.

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[ baein usually spends his nights wandering or reading in the greenhouse, though lately he's been very busy and not leaving jasper and daeshim's sides for barely a moment. and he hasn't wanted to, when the slight fear of losing them again the moment he looks away still has a claw in his mind.

it's still overwhelming, all of it. they still have a lot to talk about and... and baein's heart is bursting at the seams despite the fact that it stopped beating a long time ago. it's an odd feeling, jittery and fluttery but it's one he wholeheartedly embraces with everything in him because it's there because of the loves of his life and baein feels like he can finally breathe again.

(even if he doesn't do that either.)

but tonight, or the day before, he hasn't been able to sleep for the first time in a few weeks, and baein finally feels secure enough to take a little wander to just clear his mind. he's not sure what urges him until he halts in his tracks seeing the figure on the sofa.

oh. ]

Hunter?

[ Hunter almost doesn’t even look up but he does adjust the hood on the onesie he’s hiding in so he can acknowledge Baein.

For the most part he’s let that distance grow between himself and the vampire. Not because of anything bad, but he just knows where he wants to be. Getting in the way of that isn’t what he wants. ]

Yeah?

[ he sniffs absently and then nestles back down into his spot again after setting the glass down so he won’t spill it. ]

You okay?

[ he shuffles into the room and feels a tightness in his throat as he comes to a halt in front of hunter, looking at him as if he hasn't seen him in a week.

...it's proably been that long, since baein has focused on anyone. and he feels bad. ]

Are you?

[ he's just giving him a question in return instead of a reply. ]

[ Hunter could lie. He could. But Baein would know he was lying. He’d feel—-

Fuck. That’s why… ]

I’m sorry. You didn’t have to leave them…I’m okay. I just had a nightmare…

Don't be sorry.

[ ah.

now it makes sense, the urge he had to get up and take a walk around. it was hunter's presence in his head and baein realizes how much he's missed him. so he shuffles forward to slip down to sit on the sofa beside hunter, watching his hands in his lap for a second. ]

Nightmares are never okay.

[ they’d been apart for a while, but when Baein sits down, Hunter doesn’t hesitate long before he lifts one arm and pulls him in against his side…

…selfishly more for his sake than Baeins.

He whispers…]

What if I really am bad, Princess? What if my mom was right for throwing me away?

[ baein is about to lean in the moment hunter reaches out for him, and he's not even surprised by his own action, as if he felt hunter's thought before it happened. snugly tucked against the other, baein turns to look at him with wide eyes, and then his expression softens. ]

You're not bad...

[ it's easier to reassure other people than himself, though baein's own insecurities have slowly started to turn around lately, and he feels a familiar twinge at the feeling radiating from hunter. ]

Throwing someone away... that's bad.

It is.

[ he looks down and finds one of the others hands so he can fidget…and just soak him in since it’s been a while.

If he starts crying at some point he won’t even realize it. It won’t matter. ]

But I might be bad…I don’t think the nightmares are all just my imagination…

[ if he does, baein notices, but instead of commenting on it, he'll just reach up to gently dry his tears with his thumb, if hunter lets him.

humming, he watches hunter fidget with his hand. ]

Why do you say that?

[ Hunter leans into Baein and takes a breath.

All of the Baeins are important but this Baein is…something else. Hunter twists a little and nestles in closer. ]

I’m starting to think I did stuff and blocked it out somehow.

... it doesn't make you bad, though.

[ baein doesn't know what kind of stuff it is, but he wouldn't begrudge hunter regardless of what it is. ]

Mm.

[ maybe Baein was right.

Maybe he was wrong.

Either way, Hunter is glad he’s there. He’s given Baein the space he deserves to reconnect with His Jasper and His Daeshim. And he doesn’t begrudge him at all for his time away.

But he’s going to soak him up right now while he has him. ]

I’m sorry I um…I guess, drew you away…

[ he sniffs again and tips his head back so he can see the others face better. ]

You feel happier. I’m glad.

[ he's right. he's definitely sure on this certain point. ]

If you were bad, you wouldn't be worried about it.

[ baein relaxes against him and tugs hunter closer. he's missed this, the little bond they share that feels different from any other bond he has. ]

Why are you sorry? I'm not.

[ looking back at him, the vampire can't help but smile a little. ]

I missed you.

Edited 2022-12-03 18:14 (UTC)

Cause it wasn’t a happy draw…it was sad. And you came.

[ he breathes and reaches up to lightly touch Baeins cheek. He’s happy to see him, though. He really is. ]

I missed you, too…

I'm sorry you had a bad dream.

[ now he's apologizing, but more out of compassion than anything. baein leans his head into the touch, and reaches up to brush his fingers over hunter's hand. ]

Something nudged at me to get up, so I did. So it was you, after all.

It’s okay. Dreams happen. Some are just more vivid than others.

[ he softens when Baeins fingers brush over his hand…

There was a time when Hunter slept every night with this Bae.
Every night curled around or against his colder body; sharing a warmth and walking them both through the same dream until waking was inevitable…

He shifts on the couch again and twists just enough to be able to kiss him - a gentle but warm thing that makes him think about roses in winter. ]

I’m sorry.

[ baein isn't an empath, but the emotions that brush against his mind are not subtle in both their comfort and the sadness that doesn't go away, and the vampire returns the kiss when hunter gives it, wanting to provide him some comfort.

he misses hunter a lot, in a way that's wholly different than anyone else. it's not about romance, it's just this connection they share that doesn't feel like something he could have with anyone else. ]

Why are you sorry?

My whole life I’ve just dealt with this sort of thing on my own. I never had anyone be aware of any of it let alone be worried enough to come find me. And you’re so happy now and I didn’t mean to draw you into this soggy bubble in my head.

[ the tears come again; but this time its a mixture of everything all at once…

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

He pulls away suddenly and climbs off of the couch…tissue…no….hide….bathroom…

But he doesn’t walk away yet…]

So I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you feel that. I should have kept it away from you. Especially you.

If I didn't want to go, I wouldn't have. Hunter—

[ baein reaches out for him as he pulls away, expression morphing into worry, and he sees the tears clear as day, almost feels the guilt as well. ]

I don't want you to keep it away from me. Especially me. You've... you've given me a lot, why can't I do the same for you?

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3:33

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